Mindset with Chrissy Roil
5 beliefs that are holding you back…
…and how to break through them.
Before we begin I’d love to know… how’s your self care going? If you’re reading this post about self beliefs then I’m guessing you’re already a self care advocate. If that’s the case I’d love to gift you my free 5 Day Self Care Challenge to help you level up your routine. If that’s not the case and you’re wondering “what do you mean self care?”, or thinking “oh yeah I should really try to make that a priority”, then my 5 day challenge is the perfect way to start your practice! Click here to join up!
Every Tuesday night I attend an online training webinar with the amazing women from the Gratitude Gang. If you’ve never heard of the Gratitude Gang before or aren’t sure what it is then I’ll give you a little summary. We’re a group of women around the world who help support one another in our online health and wellness businesses. We’re passionate about helping people improve their health, finances, and lives in general. Our Tuesday night trainings are often filled with golden nuggets of personal development and they are seriously the highlight of my week! Never thought I’d say that about work, but there you go!
One particular gem in the Gratitude Gang is Chrissy Roil. She was living the corporate life prior to joining the Gang and simply wasn’t feeling fulfilled. Whilst on maternity leave she came across the Gratitude Gang and decided it was the perfect next step. She’s managed to achieve her goal of staying at home with her son Koa, and is now living her dream life, helping other women achieve their own personal goals.
Chrissy hosted one of our recent training sessions about mindset and how to break through limiting self beliefs. I was amazed at how many of them were holding me back and I want to share them with you now so you can reflect on whether shifting your own negative beliefs could help you unlock your power and reach your full potential.
#1 STOP CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK!
Society teaches us to comply and conform, so naturally when we step outside of the norm and do something a little different we’re going to attract attention (including judgment).
It makes people uncomfortable when we do things differently because all of a sudden they start to evaluate their own choices. If they feel particularly uncertain about the choices they’ve made they may criticise what we’re doing to reassure themselves.
Remember, this is about them, not you! If you’re happy with your choice then you don’t need to worry about what they’re saying. Also, if they don’t have the life you want then you probably don’t need to take advice from them. Ask yourself... are they happier, healthier, wealthier, and wiser than me? If not, then it might be time to disregard what they’re saying.
In other words, we need to build our “F off muscle”. Our dreams are too important to let the judgment of others thwart them. We have ourselves, our families and our communities to look after.
The opinions of others won’t pay your bills! So go out there and fulfil your dreams. At the end of the day, what are you more likely to regret? Doing something that was right for you, which might be outside the norm, or “fitting in” and always wondering what could’ve been if you’d been brave enough?
#2 NO = NEXT OPPORTUNITY
Do you often feel rejected in life? When people decline your offer do you make it mean something about you?
Whether you’re providing a service, selling a product or simply trying to connect with someone as a friend, changing the way you see their decline can seriously impact your level of self belief.
All too often we associate a “no” with failure, we make it mean that we’re bad, wrong or unworthy. But really people say “no” for their own reasons. Your offer may not be coming at the right time for them, or they might not feel worthy enough to take you up on it. Chances are they have a whole bunch of excuses and reasons as to why they can’t have what you’re offering.
Think about how often you’ve said “no” to playing with your child, catching up with a friend for breakfast, buying a new outfit, or prioritising your health... you’ve probably made excuses like “I have all these other things to do first”, “I’m too busy”, “I’m too tired”, “I can’t afford it” or even “I don’t deserve it”. Guess what? Other people are making the same excuses. Some of them might even be legitimate. But when they’re not, that’s about them, not you, that’s them getting in THEIR own way.
You know the saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”? Same goes for people, we can’t force them to prioritise themselves, even when we know they’re so much worthier and capable than they believe. But we can be there when they’re ready to take us up on it, when they realise that they’re worthy enough to say “YES!”
In the meantime though, don’t waste your time trying to convince someone, or worse... thinking that it means something bad about you. It doesn’t! Move on to the next opportunity...
Chrissy reminded us of a story we heard on one of our retreats about a business owner increasing their annual revenue by $670,000 from asking people if they’d like to buy a $2 item. What if they’d stopped asking after the first person said no?
#3 IT’S TOO HARD
Excuses, excuses, excuses. We all have them, but all they really do is get in our way! We can come up with plenty of excuses as to why we shouldn’t do something, and our brain is super clever at talking us out of stuff. But if we can talk ourselves out of something, then we can damn well talk ourselves into something! Or better yet… stop talking and start acting!
Action will help us build belief! Action creates confidence! Does Beyonce sit around whining about how hard it is? No! She just get’s the job done. For her Homecoming concert at Coachella she rehearsed almost every day, for 115 days, with some of those days lasting 11 hours! All after birthing twins. She set her goals and got into action. She’s since said she would never push herself that far again, but even if we all worked 20% as hard as Beyonce, we’d be achieving a mammoth feat. We have the same amount of hours in the day as her so not even the “no time” excuse will suffice.
When we really think about what’s actually hard, it’s probably the life we’re currently living. If we did the things that are certain to bring us joy we’d find our life is actually a whole lot easier. It’s about choosing our hard. Imagine how hard life is going to be if we don’t get into action and achieve our goals… what will we have to sacrifice? What will our health be like? What will we have to say no to? What will we regret not doing? Now, that’s hard!
We need to choose our hard… we can do the work that’s going to get us past the excuses now, or miss out later on?
#4 I’M NOT 100% SURE
We all have doubts about what we’re doing, particularly if we’re perfectionists or if someone else has a different opinion to ours. Belief doesn’t always come naturally, sometimes we need to build it. So if you know in your heart or your gut that you want to achieve a particular goal, or have a certain career, then you may need to work on building your belief in what it is that you want to do. It might be building your belief in the industry you’re in, recognising why the product or service you’re selling is beneficial, or getting a clear understanding of why you want to achieve a goal.
Sometimes it’s about shifting our focus from the negative to the positive. Say it’s a product for example, rather than focusing on all the reasons why people say they don’t want to buy it, focus on why people should buy it. That’s what good marketers do, they list the features and benefits, not the imperfections. If you were to write a list of why your business, product, service or dream is worth it, you’ll most likely notice that you’ll feel a whole lot prouder and more confident about putting it out into the world and just going for it.
If you’re not sure if it’s really in your heart click here
#5 I’M NOT ………….. ENOUGH
Similar to making external excuses about why we shouldn’t do something, many of us are also prone to talking ourselves out of something because we think we’re not enough. We even get really specific and put words in front of “enough”… good/smart/funny/pretty/talented etc. etc. If you’re female, chances are you’ve felt this way about your appearance in some way. It’s hard not to with all the messaging we get from the media. The common themes throughout my life have been “not skinny/tall/pretty/smart/confident/sexy enough”. In hindsight I know I could’ve achieved so much more if I’d just stopped telling myself I wasn’t enough and started believing I was. Even if I had to “fake it till I made it”. Nowadays I can catch myself and I have a bunch of strategies to get out of it. Here are some that I find helpful…
Think about what you would say to a loved one who was doubting whether they were good enough. Treat yourself as kindly as you would treat them.
Think of people you admire and why. Chances are the reason you like them is because they’re so uniquely themselves. They’re probably confident about who they are, or are at least trying to build their confidence. It’s unlikely they’re perfect, yet they’re not letting their imperfections get in the way of their success, so why are you?
Write a list of all the successes you’ve had in life and all the qualities that you bring to the table. Then get proud about them! Say them over and over again until you recognise how amazing you are.
Write down 50 things that you love about yourself. If that’s too hard, write down 50 things you’ve learned about yourself.
Remember… you can achieve anything you set your mind to!
If this post really resonated with you and you’d love some further guidance on implementing these, check out my coaching packages here. I’d love to help you level up your life!